family has nothing to do with dna

My Ulsan Family

"축하합니다 우리가족된것을" -Congratulations to become our family member

This is what Da Bin's dad texted me right when I sitting next to him and just gave him my phone number. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

Because even when I know I have the most wonderful family and my whole adoption situation is sticky, a girl can't help but feel some sort of rejection when her own blood relative won't meet her. 

I've been to Ulsan 3 times now to meet my friend Da Bin (she goes to UW Lax) and her family and friends.  They always make me feel so welcome, even though I am a complete stranger.  Right away, her family told me I am welcome anytime to stay at their place in Ulsan, even after Da Bin goes back to Wisconsin.  Da Bin's aunt has cooked some wonderful home made Korean meals for me.  Her grandma cannot speak English so she simply says "선미, 사랑해" - which translates to Seon Mee (my Korean name), I love you.  They invited me for their Korean thanksgiving in 2 weeks. And in Da Bin's dad's broken English that I can strangely understand, he tells me I'm a new family member, welcome.

After my saddening week and disappointment and missing my family in the Midwest so much, it was the most beautiful thing - to have a family that I have no blood relation to, open me with welcome arms. And I can erase my view that Koreans have so much Confucianism roots that they only believe in blood and dna family bonds.  No, I am simply a friend of their daughter and it is enough for them to welcome me into their family.

In the absence of being with MY family and losing the chance to meet biological family, God sent these wonderful people to my life and I am so, so thankful.

Seoul Vacation Part II

Sunday, 7/31

After church and dinner, I found my way to my hostel in Hongdae.  Here's a link: http://bebop-guesthouse.com/ .  I paid $22/night to stay in a 4 person room.  It was the college dorm type atmosphere and the owners are really nice.  I HIGHLY recommend this place!

Anyhow...thank GOD for iPhone/pod apps and wifi - and bartenders with cell phones.  My friend Alex who I went elementary school-college with and was roommates for a year was in Korea with 5 other WI people on their layover from China.  I was able to get ahold of Alex through the Textfree app (if you have an apple product, this lets you get a local number from the area code you want and you can text people for free on their cell.  Thank you Lauren Arendt for the suggestion ^ ^ ) and he called me from the bartender's phone and told me to meet them at a bar.  After needing to ask for a lot more directions, I finally got there.  I was sooo happy to see my friend!! We spent the night exploring Hongdae, talking, discussing interesting China stories, and getting rejected from entry to a club because the guys had sandals on : /

Me and Alex

Monday, 8/1

The next day my group headed to the Insadong area to visit a traditional market.  We all found some souvenirs and good Korean food but the most interesting find.....

you can laugh. yes, Koreans eat dog.

  Later we headed to Itaewon which is known as the foreigner area of Seoul.  What we also didn't know (well I think Alex did) is that Itaewon is also the SKETCHY area of Seoul.  Example A - if you walk down the wrong street...good thing I was with 4 big WI guys.

transgender hookers. yup. SCARY!!!

Anyhow, we found some decent normal places to drink in Itaewon and had a good time.  I also got to say good-bye to my friend Jess who I met at Mudfest.  It was so great to meet her and I wish her the best of luck as she starts grad school in London. Hmm, I have an excuse to go to Europe now!!!

Jessica and Me

Tuesday, 8/2

We were all pretty tired out the next morning but started the day off with screen golfing.  These things are all over Korea.  The guys had fun hitting balls and even convinced me and my Malaysian roommate to try it out.  The guys were also to see Gatorade in a can...but I guess it looked better than it tasted.

screen golfing group

happy men to have an american sports drink

check out our golf swings!

Later we all wanted to go somewhere but more relaxing so I took my friend Don's advice and suggested that we go to Cheonggyecheon River walk.  It was really peaceful and beautiful there and we finally got some good pictures there.

Cheonggyecheon River

Me and the UW Madison Med/Pharm students

Just two Port people in Korea : )

Alex really wanted a city view of Seoul to get a picture so I asked a friend living in Seoul and she suggested the Namsan (North Seoul) Tower.  It was such a gorgeous view.

Seoul Skyline

Namsan Tower=Korea's Space Needle??

Wednesday, 8/3

The next morning, the group had to leave really early to go back to WI so I got up before 6:30 to say good-bye.  It was sooooo hard!  I had so much fun with these guys and wished they could have stayed longer.  They really made my vacation amazing!

Later I met Hyunwoo in the Sincheon area and we visited a palace and this really pretty area called Samcheon that had many cute cafes, restaurants, shops and traditional Korean houses called hanoks.  It was good to catch up with Hyunwoo since even though we live close to each other, we are both so busy!

me and hyunwoo at Gyeongbokgong Palace

Thursday-Friday, 8/4-5

I made my way back to Gumi and I was definitely ready for some sleep and just bumming around and relaxing and skyping.  And that is what I have been doing since then.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...and it is wonderful.

Saturday, 8/6 [happy birthday mom!]

Ok, I lied.  The last 4 days of my vacation have been spent skyping. And figuring out scary, confusing, risky situations.  And coming to the realization that it's best to seize the moment while you can, stop overthinking things and just do what makes you happy. I was right all along...after 2.5 years of being single, I would finally meet someone right before leaving for Korea.  But it was worth the wait and it's worth the long distance.  I've had some really beautiful examples of making long distance relationships work in my life thanks to family and friends....so if they can do it, I may as well give it a try too.

So as of Saturday, I can officially say that this lady is off the market and has a boyfriend...I am one happy girl and it was the best way to end my summer vacation : )

me & bob - i think after spending the rest of my $1000 bar tab @ A house..

Seoul Vacation Part I

Most of Samsung (and the rest of Korea) goes on vacation for the summer during one time and this applies to teachers as well so lucky me got to end a long work month with a nice paid vacation : ) I got to do lots of fun things so here's a recap:

Thursday, 7/28

Korean Pizza Hut

I still had to teach my GLA class for 3 hours but it was so nice to sleep in until 7am.  I never thought 7 am would be sleeping in but really, it is a luxury.  Then after class, I decided to take myself on a date for pizza and a movie.  Korean Dominoes was pretty good so I decided to give Korean Pizza Hut a try.  It was okay...but at least there was no corn on this pizza.  Then I went to Lotte Cinema to finally see Harry Potter. I do have to say Korea definitely has a one up on American movies theaters because they have the best, fresh kettle corn in addition to the buttery kind.

Friday, 7/29

It was the last day of GLA camp and I had to be at work almost the whole day.  I was definitely a little sad that I wouldn't get to see these guys everyday but gosh, I was a pretty darn proud teacher seeing these guys give their speeches.

Me and the top 4: Joshua, Andrew, Jason & Peter

M1104 in Gumi

After work, I decided to hunt down a burger joint another Samsung teacher told me about and it was really easy to find called M1104. 

I have to say, this place gives American burgers a run for their money. I had an amazing Bacon, Egg and Cheese burger and will be visiting this place a lot when I have a burger craving.
Then I did my usual and went to a coffee house to relax and have my new favorite, affogato - ice cream and espresso.

affogato

Saturday, 7/30

It was finally time to leave for Seoul.  I was really nervous to book the bus ticket and manage to find my way to the hotel in a city of 10 million but I did just fine.  I stayed in the Gangnam area which is the business district of Seoul and the most expensive area...thank God for discount websites because I got a room for less than half price!  My hotel was really close to Coex, a cool underground shopping mall so I headed there. My best finds there?? English novels, Mexican food and (sadly) a new purse since my favorite purse my mom got me has finally ripped and died : (

Sunday, 7/31

Sunday I met my Korean pastor from Lax, Pastor John and went to church in Incheon.  He brought along another pastor from the US, Pastor Holley.  I also met a girl named Onnori who helped translate for me when I gave my testimony at church.  It reminded me a lot of being at church in WI.

to be continued...

Two cultures, one relationship.

Woo hooo!!! I am finally on vacation!  I'm leaving for Seoul later today and will meet my Korean church pastor from La Crosse Sunday morning for church and fellowship.  He asked me to give a short testimony.  My true testimony is probably pages and pages long so I just selected a part of it to share on Sunday - about how being a Korean adoptee has led me to Christ.  I want to use ESL as a ministry someday so I thought I'd share it on my blog too:

my angel nephew and niece

    God has certainly brought together the two cultures of America and Korea in forming my relationship with Him.  I was so fortunate to grow up with a loving family but when I began college in 2007, my life seemed to change.  I experienced many hardships my first year in college but the worst was the death of my prematurely born twin baby niece and nephew.  I couldn’t understand why God was putting all of these horrible things in my life and I doubted His existence and power.  While I sat in the church pew at my niece and nephew’s funeral, I prayed earnestly to God for the first time in my life and told Him that if He existed, He needed to reveal himself to me.
    God slowly but surely answered my prayers through bringing me to live with my Christian aunts and cousins, hearing the testimonies of others, joining Campus Crusade for Christ, and learning that Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship.

Cru - at TCX conference in MN

    During my third year of college in 2009, just when I thought everything in my life was going right -I was studying God’s word, enjoying school, making new friends, and dating a wonderful Christian, Korean-American man, my life fell apart once again when my boyfriend suddenly rejected me because of spiritual and cultural differences.  For the first time in my life, someone caused me to be ashamed of my Korean adoptee background and feel as though I was not a worthy person.  I then turned to a lifestyle of drinking and partying to try and fill the emptiness in my life but deep down I knew that God was the only way.

    In my sadness, it caused me to pray again faithfully for Christian sisters, people who would make me feel accepted as a Korean adoptee, and a church home in La Crosse.  After starting a new semester in January 2010, God brought a new transfer student into one of my classes named Rachel.  She was a Christian Korean woman who recently moved to La Crosse and we quickly became friends.  She was someone who was strong in her faith and openly accepted my willingness to learn about Korean culture and language.  Shortly after meeting Rachel, I also I discovered New Hope Church and met Pastor John.  Just like Rachel, New Hope Church showed me the love and acceptance I needed and I was finally able to call this place my church home.  Still, I felt sadness from my ex boyfriend’s rejection.
    At the end of the semester, Rachel wrote me a beautiful good-bye letter after she transferred to a school in Chicago and it brought tears to my eyes. Reading her letter helped me realize what great blessings God brought into my life - Christian fellowship, a church home and a link to Korean culture.  These things far exceeded a relationship with someone who didn’t accept my faith or Korean and American culture.  I could not deny how lovingly God answered my prayers and everything good in my life was a gift from Him. Three years after my first prayer to God about His existence, I finally, with all my heart, gave my life to God.

me and Rachel-unni

  
   

Happy 4th of July!

Comments from my family to me:

"I don't think you can go to the bank on Monday because it will be closed for the holiday."
"Do you have off from work on the 4th of July?"

My response: Well you see, they don't celebrate the America's Independence Day in Korea....

In light of the holiday and my amusement at this thing you can "like" on Facebook, I thought I would name my reasons why I like being American, in no particular order. And noooo, I am not trying to diss Korea because it really is great.  But being in a foreign country really helps you see the good things you love about your country.

1. Drinking the tap water
Who would have thought a girl could miss turning on the sink faucet and drinking water without being afraid of getting sick?

2. Clearance racks
My version of heaven on earth is a clearance rack with an addition percentage off.  And this does not exist in Korea.  Cheap clothes period don't really exist in Korea.

What is wrong with this picture? Koreans will tell you!!

3. Wearing tanks tops and looking normal
It's pretty inappropriate to show any shoulders or chest area in Korea.  Some girls wear tank tops but it's pretty rare.  I just don't get it...it's crazy hot and humid here...how could girls not want to wear tanks tops???

I'm a survivor!!

4. Decent drivers
America, I know we're not perfect and we have too many auto accidents but I now see where Asians get their bad rap for being sucky drivers.  Red lights, tailgating within inches, staying in your lane, the safety of your employee because you're an old Korean guy who can't figure out his new smart phone but still use it while driving....all that means nothing in Korea.   I have evaded death from automobile accidents many times but hey, in America we can blame the snow.  Korea...I just do not know.

Hines Ward=Half Korean=WIN for Korea

5. Football

Korea may have helped to breed the gorgeous, talented, Dancing with the Stars champion, killer smile, Steeler Hines Ward but they have not totally jumped on the football bandwagon.  So no Football Sundays for me : (  Then again with the lockout, maybe there will be no Sunday NFL for anyone.

6. Normal work schedules

Korean people work late hours.  A lot get done around 6pm but a lot of my students work Saturdays and sometimes until 10 or 11pm!!  And on

e of the biggest surprises here was the fact that many of my students do not live with their wives and families during the week.  For this, don't ever worry about me staying in Korea because of falling in love with some guy.  Not living with my husband Monday-Friday or having as little family time as they do here does not cut it for me.

Best Bloody Award goes to Ardie's in Lax

7. Wine and Bloodys
Wine is semi-hard to find and pretty darn expensive and the Bloody is even more rare, if not non-existent.  Seriously, anyone who can mail me some Ocean Spray Bloody mix I will be forever in debt to.

8. Cheese
Parmesan, Muenster, Baby Swiss, Colby, Cheddar, American, Brie....Mozzarella sticks, Cheese curds, Cheese Bread, Grilled Cheese, Beer Cheese soup........this is why America is fat but it's soo delicious.

9. Halloween
Best excuse for going hunting at Goodwill and wearing your old dance costumes ever.

10. Farms
You wouldn't expect this to be on my list but despite their nasty smell, nothing was prettier than the times I was riding with Ben on his motorcycle through farmland in the Lax area.  Rice paddys just don't have the same effect.

11. Tomboys
Korea is the land of girly-girls who don't play sports, sweat, have big groups of guy friends, or enjoy shows like Family Guy and Robot Chicken.  Ok, I'm overgeneralizing.... but still accurate.  Don't get me wrong, I love wearing dresses, doing my hair, shopping whatever...but seriously, my students are pretty surprised when I tell them I know the rules of baseball and played sports in high school.

12. Unlimited texting and free nights and weekends cell phone plans
Korea has Kakao Talk for texting purposes but you need a smart phone....but free nights and weekends is unheard of in Korea.

Don't worry....come Korean Independence Day, I'll do another blog post about why I like being Korean too.  But it's crazy how the little things we have in America are easy to take advantage of and you miss soooo much when you don't have them.

Happy 4th of July~~

explaining the coincidence

A quick backblog that I never got to explain since I was extremely busy/frustrated/confused/"preoccupied" in May and early June.  I will eventually do a blog about using a recruiter to get a job in Korea but here's the short and sweet version:

Recruiting companies act as the go-between from you to the Korean schools.  They interview you and once they accept you, they help find you a job, set up the interview with the school and "in theory" help you through the visa process and everything else you need to do to get to Korea.  Again, this is a much wider issue I'll cover later. Anyhow, when I got the original job description for Samsung from my recruiter on a Monday or Tuesday, I had to send in some pictures and then my interview would be set up with the school.  I sent one batch in the next day and then another set shortly afterwards and my recruiter said an interview would be set up for next week.

Then I woke up Saturday, April 30th, checked my iPhone for facebook and e-mail and I see something odd in-between the class emails and spam.  The sender is Tamara Bolk and the subject line is Greeting from a current Samsung teacher... 

"...AND a UW-L Alum!!! (Crazy small world!)

Hey there,

I'm one of the English teachers at Samsung in Gumi, and I just found out that you will be coming to Korea to teach at Samsung! I was shocked when I heard you were also from La Crosse (I graduated last year)! You'll actually be taking over all my classes, and considering it looks like we'll only have a day together before I head home, I thought it would be great if we could get in touch before you came out! I didn't have any contact with any of the other teachers before I came out, and I really wish I would have....so feel free to ask any and as many questions as you'd like! I'd be happy to answer them :) "

At this point, I am extremely confused as I have not had an interview yet but after some e-mails from Tami, phone calls with my recruiting company and my parents, and extensions on homework to allow me to think and make this life-changing decision, I got the job.

The honest God-send in this whole situation was being able to contact Tami throughout the whole process.  I didn't plan on going to Korea until August and wasn't prepared to make such a quick decision but it was so helpful that she could answer my million questions.  I knew exactly what I was getting into...my new boss, the living situation, dress code, Samsung facility, everything. Another thing that helped was getting to read Tami's blog (Link on the right!).  I saw what a great relationship she developed with her students and the places she got to see in Korea.  I knew that although this job wasn't perfect (aka the 6:30am class time : /  ), getting to teach friendly, caring, and fun students is what really matters at the end of the day.

And after my whole passport fiasco and it barely getting to me before my proposed departure date, it came in the mail, I hopped on 3 airplanes and ended up in Korea.  I was fortunate to arrive 5 days before Tami left and she was able to show me around Samsung, introduce me to the classes and I got to partake in her good-bye dinners.  I noticed that actual pictures of me in Korea are minimal so I got to steal some from Tami.  So here is me, Tami, and some of my current students:

Good-bye party w/ Power English + Ajay

The guy on the far right(Jim)=proof that not all Asians are short : P

As long as you're Asian, you're never to old to flash the peace sign ^ ^

So here's my thank you to Tami - we had so many crazy coincidences both being UW-L students, Korean adoptees and sociologists...but I really believe God knew that I needed that extra-reassurance for my move to Korea and it was in His plan all along for us to connect.  Best of luck in grad school and we shall meet again!

Caitlin in Korea Q&A

I was going to do all of these big blog posts on my apartment, my job, the food, etc. but I got lazy and busy... I started my online class on Monday so free time is spent studying and I'm exhausted by the time I get home from work around 7pm.  So I thought it would be best to do a simple Q&A blog post so I don't have to keep answering the same questions over and over...not that I don't love talking to all of you back in the States.  But skype and facebook time is limited until the end of July due to my class : (

1. What was your first impression of Korea?
All of my students ask me this.  I wrote this before.  I bawled my eyes out.  Seeing the place I was born for the first time was extremely emotional.  I really really wanted my parents to be here with me or another adoptee for this momentand I felt like a complete idiot crying alone on the airplane.  So first impression - emotional.  Other first impressions... There's a gazillion neon lights.  The air smells weird, almost like fish.  It's odd to be surrounded by Asians.  The weather is way too hot.  I could never drive here.  The landscaping for the most part is absolutely gorgeous.  And overall...it's scary and surreal.

2. How is your apartment?
I am, for the most part, happy. I've experienced living in a crappy college house and I expected a lot worse than what I got.  I'm not in a tiny one room studio like most teachers.  The apartment is pretty big - a 3 bedroom with 1.5 bathrooms, a kitchen, big living room, and my room is bigger than the average college apt bedroom. It was furnished with everything but bedding and cable but using other people's blankets are kinda creepy and I don't watch TV anyway.  The weirdest things are that I don't have an oven and they don't use shower curtains here very often. My favorite part is the rooftop with a view of the whole city.  I also have a roommate named Liz who is the other English teacher at Samsung. I've never lived with a complete stranger but it has been working out great and it is good to have someone to hang out with.

3. How do you like your job?
I LOVE IT.  Plain and simple.  I am no longer an Applebee's bitch working for 8% tips in a dirty and stressful environment.  The worst part of my job is waking up at 5am to be to work for my 6:30 class and don't get home until almost 7pm but ehhh, I can make the most of my day by waking up early.  I teach strictly conversational English to adults.  My youngest student is 22 and my oldest...maybe in his 50's?  My students are very helpful and kind and make me laugh everday.  I can talk about anything and have real conversations.  I can follow a book, develop my own lessons, whatever I want.  No grading papers,exams.  Best ESL job EVER.

The campus is gorgeous.  Picture a really nice college campus with coffee shops, convienince store, bookstore, cafeteria, library, and big buildings.  Add in a super high tech gym for $40/3 months, water fountains, exquistite landscaping, airport-like security, really really good food and a ton of Koreans and you've got Samsung.

4. Wait, you work for Samsung?
Yes...Samsung as in the electronics companies that make your TV's, cell phones, cameras, etc.  Samsung as in Korea's #1 corporation.  Yes, it's fricken sweet.

5. Did you get jet lag?
Nope....stay up 24+ hours straight and sleep when it's night at your destination and you can successfully avoid jet lag.  Well, at least I did.

6. How is the food?
As many of you know, I have developed my love for Korean food a long time ago when I started going to Korean churches.  Is it weird eating rice at every meal?  Yes.  Do I crave American food?  Definitely.  But it's nice not eating greasy fried food and Korean food has tons of veggies which I love too. I made it to try (almost) every food thrown at me with the exception of live things and so far I only spit one thing out.  Fermented raw fish.  Just. Don't. Do. It.  But sighhhh, I just want some cheese and Downtown Brown.

7.  Do people try to speak to you in Korean?
Conversations normally go something like this:
Real Korean Person (RKP): blah blah blah blah Korean stuff I don't understand...
Me: Hangook mal mo tayo (butchering of "I don't speak Korean" in Korean)
RKP: look of confusion and not understanding
Me:  I'm sorry but I can't speak Korean.
RKP: But you looks Korean???!!?
Me: Uhhhh ...adopted.
RKP:  Indonesia?? Phillipine??
Me: Uhh...Miguk saram. (American) mm...gyopo (Korean who doesn't live in Korea)
RKP: ahhh ha ha ha

8. Have you met any cute guys?
I've adopted the American view point.  All us Asians look the same.  Kidding kidding...of course there are cute guys but do I have the A.Ability, B. Time, C. Balls to talk to them?  Heck no.

9.  Are you going to search for you birthfamily while you're there?
This is answered in-depth in a previous post.  Short answer: Maybe.  I'll try but it's not my biggest priority for multiple reasons.  Again, if you are bored enough to go back and read...I think it's in a blog post about the movie Tangled.

10. What's the weirdest thing about Korea?
Almost all of the guys carry some version of the man purse, which are often nicer than the purses I own, and I look like a freak of nature carrying around my Northface backpack at work because it looks "heavy and big."  Really people...what else am I supossed to carry textbooks in??

11. What are some things you want to do while you're in Korea?
-Hang out with Hyunwoo lots
-Volunteer at an orphanage
-Mud Festival (tickets already booked ^ ^ )
-See a Korean drumming performance
-Korean fan dancing lesson
-Beach!!!!
-Explore my birthplace, Incheon
-See a K-pop concert
-Watch a pro Korean baseball game
-Learn Korean
-Get my hair permed again
-Apply for grad schools
and the list goes on...

Any more questions? Comment, facebook me, skype me... but I think these are the most general questions I get asked the most.

let's wish on a sunrise

sunrise on the way to the dells

Want to know why being an ESL teacher is the coolest job in the world?  Because you have the chance to learn something new from your students everyday!

In one of my classes, we were discussing the rainy season (which is supposed to start tomorrow : /  ) and then got to other topics such as rainbows, shooting stars, and sunrises.  Doesn't my job just sound horrible?? ; )  Anyway...I learned three things about Korea today:

1. Rainbows are rare occurrences in Korea - my student who is probably in his 40s told me has only seen a rainbow 3-4 times in his entire life!!  As Americans, we can easily see rainbows but we get excited every time we see them.  Imagine how pumped the Koreans must get when one appears!

2. Koreans believe falling stars are bad luck - They don't wish on shooting stars because they say that when a star falls, a great man will die.

3. New Year's sunrises - My student told me that instead, Koreans like to go to the mountains on New Year's Day to see the sunrise and make a wish for the new year and the well-being of their family.

I've only been lucky enough to see a couple of sunrises because well, this lady likes her sleep!!  It got me to thinking...what will I wish for on the New Year's sunrise?  Many of my students have asked me, "Caitlin, what is your dream?" For so long, my dream has been to teach English in Korea and it has come true.  It feels somewhat false when I say that my dream is to get my master's degree in TESOL and teach ESL in a university.  Yes, this is what I want to do as my career because I want to make a difference in people's lives and be continually learning about other cultures and perspectives.  But really, it's not a dream - it's something I want to implement in my everyday life to make the most out of every day. 

To be honest, I have no idea what I will wish for on a sunrise but I think this year in Korea will help me figure that out.  Is it pursuing a future husband?  Doing research and getting a "scholarly article" published like a good little sociology student?  Visiting another country someday?  Again, I don't know...but that is the beauty of possibilities : )

Back to the Motherland

I woke up at 4am on Friday to get ready to leave for the airport.  When my parents and I arrived in Madison, I had my mind set to get to a bathroom and almost missed my surprise visitors, Sis and June!!  This is my first summer in 3 years that I haven't spent with them so I'm soooo happy I got to see them!

Sis, me and June...my awesome aunts!

It was hard to say good-bye to my parents at the gate...finally some tears but I held back as much as possible.  My plane was delayed so I began to panic a little bit because I had less than 1 hour between transfer times.  It finally arrived and I had a three hour ride to Denver.  The mountains were so gorgeous and I know I'll have to take a trip out west since besides going to Washington, the farthest west I've been is Minnesota.  When I got to the airport, I had to sprint across the airport and hop on my plane to Seattle right away.  Then I just have to say...the Seattle airport=UGHHH.  I had to get on three different shuttles before reaching my gate.  I have no idea how I figured out where to go but I managed.  It was slowly starting to hit me when I was surrounded by Asians...something I'm definitely not used to haha.  I got to call my mom one last time and then I got on my flight with Asiana for a lovely 12 hour plane ride to Incheon.

I have to say, this airline puts American ones to shame.  All of the flight attendants look like models.  They were constantly handing out things...slippers, warm towels, drinks, food, and really speedy too!  The coolest things were the food and personal TV screens. I was worried my iPhone was dying but no worries because I got to watch movies and listen to music and everything was very current.

my lunch - bibimbap

 

The flight didn't seem like it lasted 12 hours and before I knew it, I started getting ear aches and knew we were descending for land.  Unfortunately I wasn't by a window but I did my best to look.  As I started to see land, I started tearing up.  Ok, I lied, I was bawling... I couldn't believe that after 22 years, I was finally seeing my birthplace and Korea.  Seeing Korea from the airplane made me realize my dreams were coming true and there were so many exciting things waiting for me.

Once I got off the plane to Incheon Airport...yup, time to start freaking out.  There was English on signs but I had no idea where I was supposed to go and I was cursing my recruitment company for being so vague.  I figured that since I am a foreigner here, immigration seemed like the best place to be.  Luckily it was and I got through quickly, found my baggage claim area and easily found my luggage.  Again, no idea where to go next so I just followed the crowd.  After scanning the crowd, I found Hyunwoo who was holding a sign that said "Welcome to Korea Caitlin!"

For those of you who don't know, my family hosted a foreign exchange student from Korea when I was a sophomore.  Hyunwoo helped me gain interest in Korea and she's the reason I became interested in teaching ESL.  I haven't seen her since I was 17 and it is extremely fortunate she was able to meet me at the airport AND only lives an hour away from Gumi, the city I'm living in.

Hyunwoo and I bought bus tickets to Gumi.  Throughout the drive, even though I knew I was in Korea, I felt like I was just driving to a new city in the US even though there were signs in Korean and I was surrounded by Asians.  It just didn't seem real.  After a  until we reached our destination.  My boss and his wife picked us up from the station and headed to my apartment.  I will save that for my next post.

Again, thank you to everyone who helped get me to Korea.  I'm safe, I was okay traveling alone, and it was overall a very emotional experience that I hope every Korean adoptee gets to experience.

엄마 ...

I had a dream last night that my dad called me over to come home quickly because I had a packet in the mail that was from Korea about my adoption.  I got a big envelope of information.  Some were forms I already have from my adoption file and then there were new pages.  I saw pictures of my birth mother in my dream.  There were pages of new information about things surrounding my adoption. And there was definitely more things about my birth mother than my birth father.

I've never had a dream like this before.  I don't know if it's because I've been having talks with some of my friends about being adopted or that I am going to be in Korea in around 20 days.  It was scary...but absolutely the coolest thing to see a picture of my birthmother in my dream, even though I know that was her.  But you never know, dreams are crazy.  Is this a foreshadowing or perhaps a metaphor for something else?

So I'll answer the question some of you are probably wondering: Will I search for my birthparents when I'm in Korea? 

My best answer is that is not my biggest priority while I'm over there, nor a major factor in me going to Korea.  Getting TESOL experience, learning the language and culture, seeing friends....that is why I'm going.  Yes, I absolutely want to visit an orphanage while I'm there but I don't know if I can seek out my birthmother with a conscious heart.  It's not like America where having kids outside of being married is completely acceptable.  There's so much stigma and bad things that can happen.  I decided back in high school when I turned down my first Korea trip that I wanted protect my birthmother from ever feeling any pain because she did the same to me by giving me to my amazing family.  If I feel in my heart that it's okay to seek her out privately, I'll make small attempts.  But for now, I am content praying for her health and well-being and constantly thanking her for being the best mom she could be to me and giving me up for adoption.  I have a mom that loved and carried me for nine months and now I have the best family that I could ever ask for.  I am the luckiest girl in the world.

my dream.

The first picture my parents received of me

I got the job offer with Samsung.  There is a whole story behind it that I'll save for another time but I have to say, this is surreal.  There's a lot that needs to come together in order for me to go, financially, scheduling, getting about a million things done.  Right now, it seems impossible and my over analytic, sociological mind is telling me I can never do it.  But my heart is telling me this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

I've had this idea to teach English in Korea since I was 17 and it's been a long road to get to even having the chance to go.  I'm nearing my college graduation and here I am with a job offer.  I want to be excited, jump up and down, shout, be so happy...but it's unreal.  Mainly because I don't know if I have the means to get to Korea financially but honestly, knowing your dreams are coming true is quite possibly the scariest moment in your life.  It means all of your hard work paid off.  It means change.  It means taking risks.  It means accepting the fact that something great has happened to you.

I've dreamed for so long what it will be like to step foot on the country I was born in.  The love and support from my family, friends, professors has been amazing.  There are so many times where I think other people just don't understand what it's like to be an adoptee but this unwavering support just shows me how much you all love me and want to help me fulfill my dream.

Sending Hyunwoo back to Korea 6 years ago..we would live only 30 min away if I accept the job

The chance to see my birth country.  Finally being able to reconnect with Hyunwoo for the first time in six years.  Learning Korean so I can practice what I preach about the importance of bi-lingual education.  Gaining valuable experience as a future ESL teacher.  Paying off debt.  Saving for grad school.  Not working at Applebee's with a bachelor's degree.  Connecting with other adoptees and orphans. Not being one of those people who never step out of what is comfortable.  Seeing the world.  Gaining a better understanding of who I am, where I came from, and what has shaped me into the woman I am today...

All these things are reasons why I want this so badly.  Thank you to everyone who is supporting me, sending words of encouragement, pulling strings for my graduation, giving extensions, listening to me whine and be crazy, letting me know how much I will be missed....thank you for believing in my dream.

It's coming true...I just have to decide the time I want it to come true.

UW-L Korean Percussion Ensemble

the stage, pre-concert

  I went to Korea culture camp when I was about 9 or 10 years old.  I was homesick for most of it but I do remember them trying to teach me how to play the buk.  I had no idea what they were doing.  All I remember is the guy hitting the drum and saying "doooooong. dong dong. dong duh dong dong dong."  I think I was probably crying about being homesick when he explained everything so I remained confused.  I ended up going home early because yes, I was a big baby when I was a fourth grader, so I never figured out how to play the buk and what these mystery "dong's" were all about.  

Thank you Ryan for taking pics.  This one is absolutely beautiful.

Eight years later I went to my UW-L orientation and saw there was a Korean Percussion Ensemble but I didn't think anything of it until the end of my freshman year.  One day in tap class (I've made good use of my tuition money) I saw a girl with a Korean percussion t-shirt on and was curious.  Then probably a few weeks later, my friend had a facebook status about seeing the Korean percussion concert.  I asked her about it and she told me it was a class you could take at UW-L and it was open to any students.  I signed up for the next semester during my sophomore year and was super excited to re-learn the Korean drums.

Advanced Drumming Group

For some reason, I was expecting a bunch of Asians to be in the group but nope, I was the only one.   Not the point...my group was so fun and the teacher was awesome.  I struggled a lot learning the difference between "dong" and "koong" and playing drums in general.  I still knew this group was a place I belonged.  Even when I thought about transferring my junior to a school that had a TESOL major, knowing UW-L is the only university in the entire country with Korean Percussion offered in its regular curriculum became a big factor for me to stay in La Crosse and finish up my bachelor's.

Mid-laugh...I think this is when Susan dropped her stick?

Through KPE, I've had some amazing opportunities.  I've gotten to play in public schools, in multicultural events, and even in Knoxville, TN but  I can't describe how much it means to me, as an adoptee, to be a part of this group. For little kids, seeing our performance may just be something cool to watch and clap along to but it gets them thinking.  Korea is not the most commonly known country in WI.  When people can go, "Yeah!  I saw this really neat Korean Percussion Ensemble" it introduces them to a culture so near and dear to me.  As an adoptee, I never want to be one of those kids who doesn't care about where they came from.  Really, it's more than words can describe...sharing Korean culture with others is something I love to do.  So thank you KPE, for allowing me to do that.

Some of Wonder Generation at the KPE Concert!

But most importantly of all, I have made some wonderful friends through KPE.  You guys are awesome and thank you so much for a wonderful concert last night.  I had to shed a little tear at the end of Uhullim because of our solo-less, energetic concert and I was so happy to end my KPE career with the best performance in all three years.  I love you guys and I will miss you so much!

<3, caitlin

p.s. "dong dong koong ta koong. koong ta koong ta koong ta koong. koong ta koong. koong ta koong. koong ta koong ta koong ta koong."  This is forever stuck in my head...and I finally know what "dong" means now hahahaha ^ __ ^

UW-L Korean Percussion Ensemble, Spring 2011